good stuff and jokes
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Here are jokes that I laughed out loud too.


Here is a link to 41 pages of jokes on a personals site.

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/2169883datingPostpage41.aspx

A husband and wife were scheduled to attend a Halloween party where everyone had to wear masks and not reveal their identity. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the Halloween party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by her not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain, and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked," Did you dance much?" He replied, I'll tell you; I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening. "You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your brother, apparently he had the time of his life".

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 They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have  to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is very embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way  this old guy handled it. 


An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.... The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the  Doctor for today??" "There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.

 The Receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that." 
 
Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told old you," he said.
 
The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something  wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."

 The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full  strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone." 

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"  There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. 

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken  her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir??"

 I can't piss out of it," he replied.  The waiting room erupted in laughter.  Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose!

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"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."      Henry Youngman


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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish
 

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
 

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
 

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
 

Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
 

Gotta love that fairy!
 
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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
 

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
 

He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."
 

And they say blondes are dumb...
 

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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
 

The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
 

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Understanding Engineers One:  (My favorite!)
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" 
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." 
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." 

Understanding Engineers Two 
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. 
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. 
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. 

Understanding Engineers  Three 
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.  The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys?  We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" 
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" 
The priest said, "Here comes the course superintendent.  Let's have a word with him." 
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us?  They're rather slow, aren't they?" 
The course superintendent replied, "Oh, yes.  That's a group of blind firemen.  They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." 
The group fell silent for a moment. 
The priest said, "That's so sad.  I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." 
The doctor said, "Good idea.  I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." 
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?" 

Understanding Engineers  Four 
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? 
Mechanical engineers build weapons.  Civil engineers build targets. 

Understanding Engineers  Five 
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" 
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" 
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" 
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers  Six (Close second!)
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. 
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." 
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."  The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.  Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" 

Understanding Engineers  Seven 
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. 
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. 

Understanding Engineers  Eight 
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."  He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. 
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want." 
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. 
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?  I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.  Why won't you kiss me?" 
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer.  I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

 
Ask the guys above what happens when you
 don't control immigration.
A depressing story about one sailors fate in Cuba, The rest of the
 world can be a very cruel and unjust place.  
If after reading this you have information on the proper way to
 handle a situation like this, please share it.  Send me an email.
  I would think, don't leave the boat and get on the radio,  but they
 have guns, criminals often do, especially ones that wear badges.
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Maltese Falcon, world's largest sailboat, worth a look.  Hope I get
 to sail next to it someday.
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Downloadable Army lathe operations manual pdf version
Lathe operation textbook
A couple good websites for home machinists to know about
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fcc eliminates morse code requirement for ham radio
read about it here
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Take a moment to read and watch this.... As I sit here with a tear,
(no joke, I just read it again and tears are flowing once more) I can
 honestly say this is one of the most amazing and inspiring things I've
 ever seen.  Speaks to fatherhood, overcoming and the amazing
 potential of love.
Sports Illustrated Article and video.
===========================
THE BIRTH OF A HUMMINGBIRD
This is truly amazing. Be sure to click on NEXT PAGE at the bottom
 of each page; there are 5 pages in all. A lady found a hummingbird
 nest and got pictures all the way from the egg to leaving the nest.
 Took 24 days from birth to flight. Because you'll probably never in
 your lifetime see this again, enjoy; and please share.
Every sailor in the south pacific needs to see this.
Finding a new Island
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How was Stonehenge built?  Watch one man build his own
 Stonehenge, move and raise many ton boulders by himself using
 primative tools.

more at http://www.theforgottentechnology.com/
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Here's a good powerpoint show of where I'm planing on going.
It's definitely worth a look.
  (you have to click the mouse to advance scenes)
(if you download this and play it on your computer you get the
 music with all the pictures, much, much better.  If you play it from
 somebody else's web page it seems you only get the music on the
 first image.  Anybody know what's going on there?)
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good cruising info and crew finder sites 

Seapack  A device that will provide clean drinking water from contaminated water

 by using forward osmosis.  I works without user supplied effort or an energy source

.  It replaces contaminants with sugar.  A very neat idea.  I'll have to experiment with this one.   

http://www.sea-pack.com/seapack.html
They gave a bunch of these away during hurricane Katrina, I would like to get a used one,
 if you know somebody that has one.




After having dug to a depth of 1000 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 1000 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientist dug to a depth of 2000 meters and shortly after headlines in the UK newspapers read: "English archaeologists have found traces of 2000 year copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a thousand years earlier than the Scots." One week later, Texas newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 5000 meters in West Texas, Texas Tech University scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have therefore concluded that 5000 years ago Texas inhabitants were already using wireless technology." PS: Don't Mess with Texas

Outside the Charleston Museum, the Hunley submarine, the first sucessful military sub. Dec 06